4th Feb 2010

By The Ginger Flame

Leaning on the wooden rail above the Bar Salsa dance floor, I watch a very sexy girl spin around the maypole that is her shaven haired partner. The Beatles sang “love is all you need.” But The Ginger Flame would trade that for the perfect bum. And this girl has the one that broke the mould – the kind that keeps going long after she has come to a halt. No wonder it gets so hot in South America.

It’s salsa time. I wander over to join the other beginners. This week there are more boys than girls. This won’t do. Love is a numbers game – and I love to be outnumbered.

Niki is our teacher tonight. She leads us through some of the basics I meant to practice from last time and then onto a few new sequences. As the name suggests, the back to back involves a good ration of stepping backwards, while the open out requires our bodies to rotate 90 degrees to the left, then back to the front and off to the right. My efforts lack everything connected to smooth and elegant. Niki shouts above the music that it’s all in the hips – but sadly I forgot to pack mine.

We then dance the gauntlet of a full 360 degree clockwise spin. Niki finishes a perfect spin and steps seamlessly into a forward and back, which she refers to as a mambo. Frustratingly, each of my spins climax with me stepping onto the wrong foot, body off kilter, and rather than continuing into a mambo I simply tumble off to the left. The guy next to me is having the same problem, so at least we are synchronised in imperfection.

When the shout comes to partner up, I lose out on the frantic grab for girls. Several other men also stand alone. Niki tells us hopeless beta males to pretend we have a partner, so as the music starts I begin to dance with my right arm locked around thin air. My jealous eyes glare at those lucky men partnering real girls. Why do I always have to play with myself? I only pray I don’t go blind.

Niki eventually rotates the girls and so finally I get to dance with a live lady. She is well worth the wait – a proper ding dong of a looker with thick, blond hair that stops just above her shoulders. Thankfully it’s only my mind that starts to undress her.

Now for some much needed partner etiquette. The boy takes his partner’s right hand lightly in his left while the girl places her left hand onto his right shoulder. The boy then brings his right hand around her back and places the ends of his outstretched fingers where his partner’s bra strap fastens. I promise you, that’s what Niki tells us.

So when the music starts I lock my arm around my partner’s back and innocently run my fingers along the bra strap until I locate the fastener. I expect this is what Americans mean by getting to first base. By way of foreplay we launch into a spot of mambo before bringing things to the boil with some side to side.

I’m into my stride when we’re told to switch partners. I say goodbye to one fine lady only to receive another. This ain’t salsa – this is swinging. So like a true son of Cuba I make a grab for my new partner’s bra – and we’re off. In salsa it’s the man who leads, but to be honest I’m just happy to be here and so we end up freestyling until everyone rotates again

I’m back to dancing with myself. Where are all the women tonight, I wonder? But for every dessert there’s an oasis, and I reach it after the next rotation. This girl is just stunning. She has her brunette hair dragged back into tight pony tail formation, which opens up an astonishingly beautiful face. My jaw drops with a less than suave clunk. The next time I write a letter to Santa, this is the girl I will ask him for. In fact, I’ll probably ask for her sister as well.

The music starts. I race my hand around my partner’s back, my fingers scrabbling around in search of her bra strap – but it’s nowhere to be found. My God, this girl has gone commando. Normally I’d start cheering wildly, but Niki has told us to put our fingers where the bra strap fastens and so I’m completely thrown. My dancing steps degenerate into farce and I’m still shaking when the class ends. But I’m also smiling. So this is salsa.